taste in men
by Darling
Sunday February 4, 2024 07:00
Now introducing Darling! I thought I would hang back for longer, but we decided to listen to Kim Petras's TURN OFF THE LIGHT album. And something about it! For those following along at home, we have just moved into Massacre, which has been on a playlist we've been listening to quite frequently since late spring/early summer-ish of 2022. We revisited that playlist and decided to listen to the entire album again, and now we've returned to the song.
I know the entire system has been having a lot of frustration for a couple years for not knowing how to express ourselves through art anymore. I think the feelings we've been holding in, especially following the abusive relationship we were in during the early part of 2021 that made us drop out of art school, have been beyond what we've experienced before, so we can no longer use those same methods of expression. It's quite interesting, but don't tell the others that's the word choice I've used.
As a more proper introduction, I am Darling, the system's scary and special person introject. I'm an amalgamation of the people who've abused and assaulted us as well as our Favorite People, although, I guess more accurately, I am Nuu's behavior mirroring - in the form of both their "fight fire with fire" trauma reaction and the way they tend to absorb the habits, mannerisms, and beliefs of the people they rely on the most for validation and regulation - grown into its own proper part.
I'm emotionally distant from the rest of the system's problems, but I am charged with managing it somehow. And so this morning I am trying to figure out how to make art that will work for us. I think I have to get the ball rolling for the others on making a larger project, a story based game, perhaps a visual novel. I'm going to use this as brainstorming notes, I think.
I'm thinking of Zutara. The enemies to lovers trope, combined with a great redemption arc, and maybe a revenge plot. My favorite part of ATLA is still Zuko and Katara going to hunt down the person who killed Katara's mom. I think the system needs some kind of outlet for the rage that they never really let themselves experience, they just bury it down. But, I find it particularly compelling that the person who was previously the "bad guy" to the main characters is now in the position to help them find healing. I will also put Reylo here. "Forcetime" was something the system attached to for a while, albeit relatively silently because of the pushback it received online. There's a lot of shame and embarassment for them attached to these two ships in particular, but I really want to see an enemies to lovers story where the villain and hero are on opposite, parallel trajectories relating to (1) being ruled by emotion in the form of rage, violent anger, and the desire for revenge to (2) actively choosing peace, caring for others, and operating from a place of love; or from peace/care/love to rage/violence/revenge. We've attached to the idea of a hateful man and a goody two shoes woman are forced together and end up needing each other. I like when the woman helps the man heal by giving him the safety and stability to let go of the rage, but then the woman becomes increasingly enraged by circumstances or people outside the both of them (usually relating to oppressive violence) and the man helps her get her anger out, but then when it gets too far, calms her down and then is the one who gives her the safety and stability to let go of the rage. Isolation by bexchan is a Dramione fic that kind of covers those bases. I remember staying up all night when I was 15 or 16 after bingeing the Harry Potter movies with my best friend/favorite person at the time. (sidenote: in finding the link I discovered they updated it with an epilogue in 2020. I will have to read that soon.)
Also the system never thought we had a type in men, but I'm discovering that there is a VERY specific type. Part of it may be gender envy, but usually they're "short" which is around our height, at 5'6" plus with dark, curly hair and some kind of beard situation. Now. I'm laughing, but let me present our prime examples: Kit Harrington and Spencer Agnew.
It's kind of scary/hilarious seeing them next to each other as the main examples for what our type is.
But on that note, I also really like John Snow's character and this almost pitiful man (who is actually pretty powerful in his own right) who stands behind a very powerful woman (Ygritte, Daenerys). I don't like the pairings The Hound/Clegane is in, but I love the guard dog character. I want a story with a pitiful man who is just attached to a woman and acts only on her word. Just. This collection of text posts.
I think I will leave you with these songs and go write.