I am so hungry. My body is weak. My body is always weak. I can't stand long enough to cook anything. I can't even sit up long enough so that I may try to cook something. All I can do is lay down and cry. and cry and cry. And that's all I can do many days. And I'm tired.
I push myself too hard and I don't do much. I pushed myself too hard this week playing Baldur's Gate 3 with my friends and trying to do more art I enjoy and making simple meals. I showered once at some point in the last week, but I stink again. I washed my bedsheets but I haven't put them on my bed yet and I've been sleeping on a naked mattress for 3 days. I took 4 days to do one load of dishes and now the sink is almost full and I have to do it all over again. And I have to eat but I can't stand up or sit up to make something and I can't leave my apartment even if it's just at the gate to get something someone delivered.
This is when I remember why I hate living so much. I really tried to enjoy it. I can't do much of anything and my needs have surpassed my ability.
I guess this is when I need, I need to ask for help. But I don't really trust anyone. And so this is the hell I live in. Forced to rely on others, yet unable to anyway.