somdy

she/her

22
trauma holder

i dunno what to say, but i guess this is mostly my site?? the others will probably work on it with me or use the structure i've implemented so this is probably more reflective of me (and maybe nuu, our host) than it might be of the rest of us.

i chose a spider lily to represent us because we like crochet and writing, which are kinda weaving vibes, spiders are cool conceptually, and one of friends had a nickname for us for a while which included lily because of an "ily" typo. also spiderlilies are associated with death and rebirth, and i feel like we're very familiar with that in like the tarot sense (shout out those years where we had the death AND the tower card in every reading). but also it can represent abandonment, and that's where a lot of our trauma comes from

sidenote, my name means basically "worthy" + "good" and i find that funny because my dnd alignment would def be neutral good. it's also funny because it could also mean "proper" and my vibes are more:

ena's dreamcore picrew / picrew "これはうちの子の鞄の中身" / buglephone picrew / picrew "lady of hera"

blog posts

spoiled burden - april 12, 2024 18:11 there's a lot rattling around in my head right now. trying to ignore whatever in my mind and/or body is screaming to have kids right now despite no capactiy to (physically, financially, mentally/emotionally), all the art projects i want to do and all the physical and mental disabilities preventing me from doing them right now, how i've never been properly diagnosed with anything since having ptsd because all the healthcare professionals ... more

recovering - march 25, 2024 21:30 It's been a while. The body has been in a lot of pain, and we've spent the last month recovering. or. it feels like we've lost the last month to pain and fatigue and brain fog. On the days we have more pain, we dissociate more, which means that time is just lost to us. It feels like everything has been put on pause for 2 months, which is really frustrating. We were working so hard in January. We joined 3 game jams. But then at the end of January... more

chạy ngay đi - february 13, 2024 05:18 TW childhood trauma, pet death, SA, toxic relationships // i'm definitely doing some rough inner child healing stuff rn. it's a bit overwhelming. ok so like, i'm watching mommy & me vietnamese ep 2 and i get to the part where they have a group of kids singing the tones. and then i started fucking crying lol. i had to stop the episode and im just listening to all my liked songs ... more

burden - february 7, 2024 04:35 TW in post, includes feeling like a burden, medical neglect, passive suicidal ideation // I feel like a piece of shit again. I've been pushing myself harder lately because I feel like resources are wasted on me unless I can produce good enough things. Which is a hell of a thing to believe, and was something I wouldn't admit to myself, but knew for years. Ever since I was in elementary school, I planned my future around how ... more

magical girls and vampires and game jams - february 5, 2024 03:30 Checking in today!! I'm not even sure who I am today, sometimes I'm not sure until after I finish the blog post. I've been looking at other people's websites and now that I've been working on this website for a week+, I'm better able to understand HTML and CSS, so I think it's time to bump the complexity a little! I really like a scrapbook look, where it looks like paper and things taped on ... more

family - february 1, 2024 04:17 I'm not really liking other people right now. One of my roommates will be away for a few days which will kind of help. Having more alone time in the apartment while both roommates are at work kind of helps. Because as it turns out, I need to talk out loud to my self/selves to regulate in some capacity and I am not comfortable doing that when other people are in earshot. I was going to write but I think I'm just going to ... more

em ơi - january 31, 2024 08:56 I woke up at 4am today after falling asleep sometime between 12:30am and 1am, and I guess I'm up for the day. I was initially going to talk about things that are stressing me right now, but I shut down for maybe 10 minutes after trying to think about how to word them. So I'll talk about the things I'm excited about instead. The announcement for the finalists for a game jam that A and I joined will be announced tomorrow. I've been nervously ... more

origin story pt 1 - january 26, 2024 21:26 I don't know, I just wanted to write here again. Don't really have much to say. ...Or, I dunno if I'm just holding back. I'm anxious about a gathering with friends. My roommates say if I mask it would be helpful, and then extra layers of protection would be to bring my air purifier, which is scary because it's big and clunky and very noticeable, and to offer them masks. My roommate will even give me the KN95s to offer them ... more

"i always just thought you wanted to be left alone" - january 26, 2024 00:03 I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I don't even feel like I can talk about it here tbh. But I feel crazy. I feel like everyone thinks I'm crazy. I am trying to protect me and my disabled roommates from getting sick, but I am so tired of being the only person in my social circles making risk assessments about COVID and RSV and all the ... more

what makes a house a home a home a house a home - january 25, 2024 12:18 My heart hurts. I am so tired of everything. I decided to start this because ultimately, I just feel alone. I feel abandoned. I feel unheard. And so I create a space in which I can speak and say the things I don't even tell the people closest to me. I guess to start, I'll introduce myself. I'm Somdy (she/her). I am one of several alters in the [redacted] system, which I will ... more